Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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