'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
this hospital has no fireball
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
