He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
