so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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