Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
