Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
