I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
