We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
