i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
