Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
