he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
we're making bets on your personal life
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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