Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
