This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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