smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize