It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
