He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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