I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Shame - the story of my life.
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