I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
