Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I love you. Go after that dick
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
