Don't make out with my wife yet
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i just made my gag reflex go away.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
