It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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