i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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