1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
