My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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