I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
