There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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