Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
