I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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