Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
