barbara walters just said penis...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
