Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Randomize