you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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