moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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