you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
