dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
