people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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