Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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