AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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