whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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