so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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