textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
