I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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