the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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