Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
