it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
