I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
