Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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