he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
