this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
