My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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