oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
