I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
