i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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