Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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