He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
