therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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