Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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