I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
