Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Still dying that you shit outside
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
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