I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
