worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
