Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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