I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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