I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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