Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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