if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
