I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize