his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
