she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
