My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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