It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
