I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
