We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Im part way to drunk.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
