youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
