New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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