YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
